I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
