sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
