literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
