I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
