hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
