I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How external is "for external use only"?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
