Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
