Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
