There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
