I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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