She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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