i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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