just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
