I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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