her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
