Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
