I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
