Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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