I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
