dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
