....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The feeling are messing with the penis
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
