i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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