Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
