He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
