Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't you send me to vm
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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