i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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