it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
