If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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