Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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