You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
