Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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