Everything about him screamed your future.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
