I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
