It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
