Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
