thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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