We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
