Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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