it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
