never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
