I'm passing your future prison.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
