awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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