Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
