jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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