dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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