I think im going to throw up on grandma
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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