I'm going to jail i love you
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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