I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
