Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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