Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The best revenge is premature balding
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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