i think i have herpe
just one?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
