you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
