I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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