Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
