You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
